morbidscars

I don’t like to keep blanking out the bad thoughts As this means missing out on whole days In fact weeks, months and years are passing me by Which tells me this is not just a phase But that’s not what my loved ones like to believe They tell me it’s my age and will soon pass Their turpentine optimism is misplaced As my future begins to fade like brass I don’t like to keep blanking out the bad days But of late I do not have much choice See anytime someone asks if I’m okay A tremble can be heard in my voice Somehow though I always keep it together Like a jigsaw laid out on a table But when I am alone I fall to pi

certain things in my mind would be better left unsaid, such as: i. how I stared at a bottle of pills for an hour as if they would slide down my throat on their own. ii. when I stepped out of the shower with bloody knees and didn't bother to put a band aid over them.   iii. why I can't keep a smile long enough for someone to take my picture. iv. who I wanted to be when I was a little girl and who I am right here and now.     v. where I tried to jump off a bridge and landed in water deep enough for me to swim in. vi. what I wanted to scream at you that day but I just stayed silent and hoped you would forget. no more pretty words and l